Wednesday, September 02, 2009

It is what it is.

"water plants" was the first item on my list for today.

I got to that one about ten minutes ago.

Today was a bad day. Not a terrible day, not a disastrous day, but an unhappy, bad day the kind of which beats the spirit right out of a person.

I'm still happy to have lived it, don't get me wrong on that. There were moments when I wanted to disappear. But I know I can't do that. That would be stupid.

There were other moments when my mantra worked.

I can have peace in this moment.

I'm, hmm, preparing to try meditation. I have no idea what I'm doing. It's like trying to learn to surf by reading a book. I never really put much stock into it. It always seemed too close to twirling. But then, there's plenty of good evidence that controlled breathing works, including personal experience. So maybe what I'm trying is more like breathing.

Anyway. there were moments. Finally I think I'm tired enough to sleep instead of lying there and thinking over all the things I did wrong, today and every other day I can pull from memory.

If not, I'll try breathing. I'm thinking it's a matter of discipline and practice.

We'll see.


Drinne said...


I am now picturing a tiny Poppet Ashram for Mini Poppets . . . . .

And they match my new bike!

I haven't had a chance to answer you properly - I'll email shortly I promise - I'm having to-do list expansion issues : )

Anonymous said...

Hello again, *

I have a hard time with strict "breathe like this" schools of meditation. What I told my little girl was to imagine her thoughts like clouds. And when a cloud appears or floats into her mind, just blow gently to move it away.

Your cloud poppets reminded me of that so I thought I'd pass it along. I don't think there's only one right way to meditate.

* I commented here before about a year being our journey around the sun.

Syd said...

Re: the things you did wrong (or think you did wrong): I figure if you came out the other side, it means you did something right, and that is worth a celebration of its own.

Still, I hope you find the path between the shoulds and oughts and dids and didn'ts and whys and why nots, and discover your perfect place for each day as it comes...and goes.

p.s. Zen minis = WANT!

Beez said...

Well, you know you can always just...breathe.

Maybe that's all the more it needs to be at first. A breath, a baby step.

I am just speaking from theory at the moment btw
. I have become-for no apparent reason except that it's suddenly All Too Much- the Queen of Ire.


I hope it's just the moon.

Benton Warren said...


lisa said...

drinne: definitely we'll post the project somewhere when we get it going. My do-lists get out of control too.

anonymous: I like the cloud idea. seems just right for little ones---hmmm or anyone really.
thank you

lisa said...

syd: why is it that we don't lie in bed at night thinking of all the things we did right? That sounds like a much better idea.
thank you

lisa said...

beez: I've been struck with that one too. What I've found in my experience is that the 'why' we become the queen of ire is generally something more simple than we think. It can be fatique, hunger or shoes that pinch.

there's evidence that it could be the moon.

at any rate, it's always tough to be the queen.

Loraine said...

Breathing helps me, too. I love Yoga- it helps me even more with connecting movement to breath.

The Steampunk Marchioness said...

I have a noisy brain. At night when I'm tired, it keeps thinking thoughts long after I tell it to "Hush, sleep now."

Years ago, a very good friend who Knew Things encouraged me to come to his meditation class. After much resistance, I went. I sat. I breathed. I gave myself permission to just Be. And I found out that....

I have a very noisy brain. It really likes to hum along thinking things. It doesn't like to be still and quiet and the more I try to tell it to be still and quiet the more it whines and says... but there are things to think about!

After a few goes at the meditation thing my friend asked me how I thought it was going. I felt like a failure, even a little guilty. I confessed that while everyone else was breathing and being, I was... well... thinking. The whole no-mind thing wasn't working for me. I seemed to have mind to spare.

And my good friend who Knows Things nodded and said, "Well, how do you feel about having time set aside to just think about whatever it is you need to think about?"

I remember opening my mouth, and then closing it. I remember smiling. "Pretty damn good, actually." And my friend, who really did Know Things, just smiled.

I, too, have a long list of Shoulds and Whys with the occasional If Only thrown in just to complete the ritual of psychological self-immolation. At times, they keep me up worrying over them. I find a good book helps. Or some Coleman Hawkins. A scotch doesn't hurt, especially with the Coleman Hawkins. A friend in an earlier time zone who doesn't mind late night phone calls is nothing less than miraculous.

Sometime, though, you just have to write, or paint, or howl at the moon (the neighbours might be bothered by the latter).

Wishing you peace.