Saturday, October 28, 2006

A glimpse into the bucket of truth

post I took these with my phone on the drive to Passadena to pick up art. We drove toward the column of smoke from the Palm Springs Fire.

It became apparent as we neared the area just how large the fire had become. If you haven't seen or read about this, you might want to know it was deliberately set.

I've read several of Leonard Shlain's books. Here's his take on a mystery many of us have pondered.The Blog Leonard Shlain: Why Bush Smirks The Huffington Post

This October hasn't been a good one. We've had a lot of events to cope with, including and especially the drowning death of our friends' toddler, which has left us all changed. Now, despite our best efforts at business as usual, the people in this house are pretty ragged and shell-shocked. Last night, I walked out of the astounding mess our house has become and into the astounding mess my studio has become and decided I didn't have the strength to put a match to it, much less try to set it right again. It's been a month of questions and doubts about the very core of my efforts.
It's not so easy saying so here, and likely not the smartest thing I've ever done. Generally these sorts of posts are better done through the safe filter of time. Raw questions and hurts tend to make people uncomfortable. But the truth is, right now I feel like quitting.
Please don't try to say helpful things. Anything you might say I've probably already said to myself. I've given this some thought, and I'm fairly certain that I'm posting this because (in my twisted way of thinking) a little brutal honesty is required. I know you've probably felt like quitting too, and didn't. That's help enough.

Orion continues to be the little willow-the-wisp this dark month. We follow his light and are often grateful for it. I'll be leaving for the World Fantasy Convention on Thursday, because, well, that's my job. Then I'll go north for some winter air and to see a friend who wisely reminds me that the worst stuff seems to work itself out in the work.

Don't forget to send a contribution to Link TV. It matters. A lot.

Tonight Orion will dress up and knock on doors and ask strangers for candy. We won't think about what any of it means. It doesn't matter, really. I'll wave from the street and remind him to say thank you. Despite all, Halloween is a good thing. I hope you have a good one.


jordan's mom said...

I've always thought that Halloween was the one night out of the whole year when we get to take off our day-to-day masks and be who we truly are. Please give Orion a big "Halloween Hug" from us...oh hell, give yourself one, too.

Rubius said...

From the bright wintery north I send you Halloween blessings.

As I dressed as a jester/harliquin for work this morning (just for fun) my thoughts ranged to you. I hope you have a great and safe night tonight and I hope you post some pics of Orion.

May your candy bags overflow. May your gut rot (in a good way) from all the lovely goodies.

I sure hope everyone else out there appreciates your honesty as much as I know that I do. Most of the time I feel like brutal honesty is the only thing lacking in this glittering world.

Alys Sterling said...

I had a cool Halloween. I love Halloween. I got to dress up as Medusa and go to a party on Friday, and then last night I went over to help a friend scare the trick-or-treaters, and we overheard one kid saying ours was the scariest house ever. Mission accomplished!

And yes, you're right.

Carl V. Anderson said...

I'm so sorry for your friend's loss, a child's death always seems to be the most tragic.

I'm glad Orion is there to be a ray of light and I hope he had a wonderful, candy-filled Halloween!

Craig Steffen said...

As you say; nothing to add that would be helpful.

Have a good trip to the north. When you see Fred in his new digs, give him a scritch behind the ears from all us cat lovers. And I expect Lord Shaper is good for a hug or two.

Travel safely.