Saturday, January 15, 2011

Day 26

Here's the test, for sure. Day 26 and I don't want to write here. I'm in a funk and I don't think I have anything worthy to say. It happens. It's happened before and it will again. We all have ups and downs. Times when we feel alive and colors are bright and life makes sense.
And then there are days like this one.
It doesn't matter why. What brought me here is unimportant,mundane and the sorts of things that happen to each of us in turn. What might matter is that I believe that it will pass. I have plenty of evidence to support that belief. My own experiences certainly support it. I didn't always think that way. There have been times when I felt so absolutly lousy that I was convinced I'd never feel good again. I've felt old and used up and that I'd failed. I'd fight against what felt like a blanket of darkness. I'd struggle until I wore myself out and gave up. Then, it would finally fade away. I'd feel like getting up and doing things, I'd get back into the studio and make art. I'd put makeup on again and laugh at myself.
I'm not laughing much today. Still, I'm going to skip the struggle. I'll trust this one to pass. Like a cramp, or this cold, or a bad day at the morgue. If that doesn't work, I'll try something else.

In the meantime, our dwarf and hobbit heros have reached the strange island city of men and are being treated like kings by people who believe the legends of the dwarve's ancestors.

Dark Shadows now, in this time, in the context of the world we live in now, is a whole other animal than it must've been in it's own time. Sixties fashion, goth and emo mix up and make an odd reflection of the late 1960's. So funky weird.

I don't think about the world on days like this. I don't watch the news. I might break a television. I want to say human beings are too stupid to live. Poppets would say I'm wrong, that humans are immature and silly and will get better in time, hopefully.

I'm going to bed. But, once again, I showed up. Is that enough? I don't know, but it's what happened.


Kelly said...

It's plenty. Feel better, Lis.

(((Big Hugs)))

<3 <3

Drinne said...

Yes it's enough.

Sometimes the discipline to show up is the hardest part, If you do that you win at the start.

lisa said...

Thanks, Kelly. Right back to you.

Drinne, that's what I'm hoping for.