Wednesday, January 26, 2011

36 into 37

So, here's the thing. I'm just starting to get past this horrible cold thing. I also seem to be stumbling toward the inevitable demise of yet another relationship. I don't think I've slept more than three hours in a row in a week.
But. I'm still a single parent (and all that goes with) and owner of a business (and all that goes with.)

I'm putting in studio time because (see above) quitting isn't an option. And the work is still pretty good, so there is that.

Writing here is an option, but dammit, I don't want to stop. You definitely deserve better than whining. You're here to read enlightening, uplifting words or at least arty/instructional ones and that's truly my intention. So, right now my life is difficult. I'm hurting, but I'm not dead. There's no tragedy. I'm really, really discouraged, but I'm still going.

I guess what I'm trying to say here, in real time, when I'm in the shit, is I won't give up. . I'll just keep swimming, like Dori said. She is one smart...well, she's a fish with insightful moments.

In other news, Bilbo has just found and pocketed the Arkenstone. And Smaug is on his way to wreack havoc on the lake people. It's always something.

Crying is not good when you have a cold. And reading is a blessed endeavor.


shu-shu-sleeps said...

So sorry to hear that things are incredibly stressy for you at the moment. If we are a composite of all our experiences, there will be learning and art coming out of this time. Maybe not straight away, but certainly in time. Its all character building, even at those times when you know you have more than enough character to be going on with! Its okay to take some moments to feel the pain, then when you're done with that for that point in time (day, hour) make a cup of tea, do a fabulous imitation of a British stiff upper lip and go do the next thing. Thinking of you all - big hugs - Shonna

Diandra said...

I am sorry to hear you're struggling at the moment. Life is not always sunshine and peaches (and I don't even like peaches that much... but what would "Life isn't always sunshine and broccoli" say about life?), and sharing the less-than-perfect times makes people more *real* and helps everyone realize they are not failures for feeling like duck sh*t. Therefore, thanks for sharing your experiences, along with your art!

Drinne said...

Lots and lots of sympathy and virtual gunpowder tea coming from here towards you.

May I suggest a "whining blog" ? You don't have to use your real name or let any of us know - it'd just be a way to put things out into the world to get them outside of you - like leeching but for brains and less bloody.

I have something like that - a place to work out ideas that hurt or might offend someone. Or cry.

Relationships are like passages in an adventure novel, something the hero has to go through which will eventually end, either for cause or mortality but move the plot forward.

The definition of adventure as a verb that I like is this:
v. To take a risk in the hope of a favorable outcome

And the quote that I like about it is this

"All great adventures have moments that are really crap."

— Ellen Potter (The Kneebone Boy)

Valya said...

I'm sorry to hear that you're hurting, and I wish I had words to help.

You're in my thoughts, please let me know if there's anything I can do.


Jo said...

I've been reading your day by day posts ... and wish that I could just give you a hug. Seems like we all feel that way. I find I often reflect on a quote I read once a long time ago: “We may go to the moon, but that's not very far. The greatest distance we have to cover still lies within us. ” (Charles De Gaulle). Not that it always helps, but sometimes, when I'm stressed, I try to think about the light at the end of the tunnel (even if it's just a glass of wine at the end of a stressful day).

Sending positive thoughts your way.

ravyn said...

Here is the painting that Steven Archer of Ego Likeness did for me:

If you're going through hell, keep going.

Kelly said...

I think that it is okay that you share your struggles here. They are a part of your life, just like the creation and wisdom, you know?

Shari said...

Just something that may make you smile. Or groan, but at least distracting. Revisit the "Finnish Complaints Choir" (on revisit, I remember again how pretty Finnish sounds). It won't change anything, but a smile never hurt Too much. Hugs from MN :-)