Saturday, February 05, 2011

Day 47 (and a nod to 46)

Day 46 was the first of working all day in the studio for some weeks now. Just working quietly. I didn't even put on music for some reason. Likely as interesting to watch as grass growing. But there were things going on in my head--sort of a counterpoint to what was going on with my hands. And things were made.

Yesterday was chilly all day. Today was like spring. The desert is fickle and fast. As I drove along meandering curves between manicured lawns, golf greens and duck ponds, I had one of those odd out-of -context moments. All day it had felt like Sunday. Don't know why. But suddenly, rounding a curve of particularly colorful flowers I realized it was Saturday. It was a Saturday afternoon and I was a woman driving along to shopping in a pretty, peaceful place with plenty of weekend to spare. It was a moment without attachments, a warm yuppie sort of surface fuzzy that brought thoughts of latte and bookstores. Ahhh. a little Calgon soak in the shallow end. I could live here!
It didn't last. As soon as I became aware of my escape, I became aware that escaping is a choice. That there were layers of awareness underneath this simple, pleasant one, from the challenges in my own situation to the volatile states of too many systems to name. One could drown in the depths--- Egypt, Africa, world economies, climate change, hate, ignorance, my friend who is sick, my daughter who has isolated herself. Yes, one could drown.
I can't fix the world. I can't fix the people on my own pellicle. People have to figure out things for themselves. In that way, we are each and every one of us, alike. The hardest thing in the world is to change a mind.
It's a good thing to take a break from caring sometimes. It's a good thing not to feel guilty about it too. It's impossible to get lost. The world just won't be ignored and shit happens.

Our heros are nearly at the end of this particular adventure. How suprised Orion was that our Hobbit and Dwarves didn't have to battle Smaug after all. Things often take surprising turns and, as we saw tonight, the Arkenstone became a unexpected tool for negotiating peace.

I wish you balance, between the dark and the light, between warm comfortable places and vast cold spaces, between curling up with hot chocolate and saving the world. It's all in there, in this human soup. The surface and the depths and all in between.
Poppets like soup. Silly humans.

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