Saturday, March 12, 2011

Day 75

Day 75 took us past the windmills at sunset.

My fascination with them continues, so I took photos.

watched the sunset and thought about the troubling elements of the day.
Shortly after we met, Spencer began calling me 'inside out girl.' I get it. I've heard it said in other ways. 'Emotionally open' is another. I've resolved it as an unfortunate side effect of whatever drives the art. After all, mostly what I make is about human beings examining themselves.
Now I see it in Orion. Sure, it draws. It is an attractive force.
'It's like a light,' they say. Childlike, idealistic and naive too, sometimes. Poppet-y and in its way, beautiful.

I see it in Orion. What I've learned though, is that this sort of vision(like everything else) has a price. It's a double-edged sword. I learn this late. Is it late? It feels late, like evening.
Such honesty can lead to defenselessness.
Orion will be nine very soon. Is it time for him to gather some darkness around him? Shall I begin the lessons? I've been here before. Always reluctant to introduce fear. To pull back the curtain.

Always I've headed toward the light. I've gone with my head down, learning in books, learning my craft, communicating through art and written words. Finally I looked around to find the road is very dangerous.
Human beings are not at all like Poppets. In this world, one must wear armor. A balance then, of darkness and light. Always looking for beauty. Must I look for it now from behind a veil, one hand on my weapon? Is this where we are? If I grow a thicker skin, shut myself off a bit, will I still see what I see?
or rather,
Will I dream?


Melissa P said...

The windmills will always be associated with you in my mind. I'm still hesitant about them but these pictures of their silhouettes against the light are evocative. You made me stop and ponder. Again.

Anonymous said...

For what it's worth, I struggled with similar questions with my oldest son. I ultimately realized that his path will be different from mine, that his experiences of darkness will be different and uniquely his own, and decided to allow him to follow his own journey but to be there when he needed me for the bumpy parts. And for the wonderful parts too.

He's 26 now, has a masters in theology, and has chosen to become a military chaplain. I feel that I chose well - his ability to expose himself allows him to help a lot of people who really need the help :)

cmw said...

I often thought about this when my daughter was a little kiddo.

If I prepare her for the world that should be, will the world that is defeat her?

Or do I crush her innocence, wonder and hope by telling her what's really out there?

I went with option 1 and worried.

I think ulffriend is right. Parents give the best foundation they can and the kids interact with the world in their way.

(and Moms worry.)

Michael Anthony said...

Beautiful pictures. Shows the beauty of the landscape, and the beauty of a good clean energy source.