Saturday, June 25, 2011

Day 163

I tend not to blog when I don't feel I can do it 'well.' I've felt I owed it to you to do this and I've felt for some time that I wasn't offering anything useful. I seem to want to turn everything into art. Yes, it's part of the machine that is me. Just like everyone else, the parts that are best are sometimes the parts that are worst. Silly humans.

I'm stupid in this way. Because really, if I were treating you like the friends you are---and if you continue to show up here, you must be--I'd know that all you really want me to do is show up. Another part of this human, insecurity.

So I'm showing up to say that, well, I'm sorry. What I really want to do for you right now is show up. Because, really, if I owe you anything, it's that.

That said, with shame and possibly blushing, a quick catch up:

Orion and I went to his end of the year school party yesterday. It was really, really hot outside. the fire department showed up.

I photographed a couple of kitties in their little hammock this morning.

I don't know why Blogger is inserting these huge spaces between texts. It's annoying but I have no time to sort it out.

Spencer and I are getting the last of his stuff moved into his place. We feel really good about this. I thought we were done for , but it turns out we're both looking forward to working and playing together---and so very very not living together.

A lot is going on, and under it all, the struggle to survive in this economy. I begin to truly understand the concept of 'being schooled.' I have become a humble and appreciative student.

Please sir, may I have another?

Thanks for putting up with me. I love you for showing up. Not to get too mushy, I point to the banner at the top of this blog. "Idiot" and "stumbles." That makes me smile. In a way, I'm doing exactly what I said I would.

I'm off--back to the day at hand.


Melissa P said...

I'm more pleased that you are doing the "showing up" part with the art despite the glitches and the hard knocks. Sometimes it's easier to let that slide. I'm glad you're not. Still, I'm happy you showed up here today. I was getting worried for you.

Sending you positive thoughts and good wishes.

lisa said...

Melissa P: Thank you. And that's exactly what I thought. Adding worry is not on the list.

Lisa said...

I lurk without commenting, but I wanted to tell you that I enjoy your posts, your art, your take on life. Your posts are worth the wait.

Grace London said...

Sometimes just showing up and saying 'Yes, still here.' is the hardest (and bravest) part. Wishing you strength and patience.

lisa said...

Lisa and Grace: Thanks, both of you. I want to do so much more--tutorials and videos of making armature and dry-brushing and finding inspiration.
So frustrating. The short term has swallowed the long term.
I'm a single mother making a living with her art. I need to be happy with surviving for awhile.

gigi said...

I find that my relationships work better when we live apart. Some of us are not made to share that much space.

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