Monday, September 05, 2005
On the Brink
RRNN comments with his question as to whether we're on the edge of some new darkness. I wonder too.
Every generation of adults says these kinds of things, don't they? The world is going to Hell. People are getting dumber every day. You can't trust anybody. It's become a dangerous place out there...
Perhaps we are just this generation's adults, old enough to get our heads out of our own asses and begin to see what's going on around us, young enough to still believe we might have the power to change something.
Sometimes the bigger picture, as far as I can see which, probably, isn't all that far---sometimes it immobilizes me. I look at the news and read and talk to people and feel we are on the brink of disaster. I look at my children and don't want to be on the brink of disaster.
I feel the panic rising. I can do one of a couple of things:
I can take a step back, way, way back. No further. Carl Sagan back. Big, big picture. So. Humans are evolving. It's not a straight line. We have to have our ups and downs, our discoveries and our failures. Things might have to get very very bad so they can get better.
I could do that. Or, I can step inward and focus on my own world. I can do the best work possible, I can be kind to the people I have contact with, I can teach my children to think for themselves. I can continue to try to do my little part with SlaughterHouse, to support freedom of thought and expression.
Or I can continue doing what I've been doing for the last couple of years. Live between the two views, with moments of paralyzing uselessness and moments of hopeful inspiration.
Mostly, I try to keep doing what I'm doing regardless of how useless it feels. I keep thinking that the work will help me figure something out and truly, I can't think of anything better to do.
As I said, it's been a mean summer. It was a mean summer before Katrina. Bad things are going on all around us.
I can't help it. I see us as sheep. Some of our herd get washed away in the river or eaten by wolves and we look up for a bit, then go right back to grazing the cable chanels.
I don't know what will change this. I'm horrified to think what it might take to make Americans inconvenience themselves just a little to make a difference. I believe it will take more/worse than I can imagine and I can imagine a lot. I keep telling myself that encouraging people to question the information thrown at them, to think for themselves and to speak out is worthwhile regardless of what's going on.
Sometimes you feel like saying 'fuck it' and doing nothing. Sometimes the car won't start. Sometimes it rains too hard. Sometimes the door gets closed in your face. Sometimes you wake up and realize your cat hates you, your eyebrows are getting gray and coffee doesn'taste good anymore. Sometimes you look in the mirror and see a stranger, or worse, your mother. Sometimes you look into an expectant little face and decide it's not about you anymore, so you grow up and get your head out of your ass and look around...
If the pool is above 80 degrees, we're swimming. If not, we're walking. I need to get out and breathe. When I get up tomorrow I hope I want to make some good art because that is what I can do, until someone comes up with a better plan.
Thanks for reading, thanks for thinking, thanks for speaking up.
Posted by lisa at 5:59 PM