Wednesday, April 18, 2012

frozen in mid-step, for a moment

I haven't been blogging. I've had a lot of decisions to make, small and large. Still do. The last week has been a lot like the day after the party where you wake up, walk to the middle of the room and realize you have no idea where the hell to start and hardly the will to put a match to it.
Well, if I've got all this work ahead of me, I've got to eat. And if I'm going to eat I may as well watch the latest episode of Game of Thrones.
It's evident that I'm intrigued with the idea of the Night's Watch. How could I not be?
The Night's Watch is always watching.
The series is a rich , if momentary, escape from my own reality, So Cal circa 2012, which in my mind is as stylish as a yard sale.
This is a narrow view, I know. There's beauty in the world, with fine stories as well as noble and intelligent humans. But I don't see them here, where I live, in this American culture that largely seems to be lost in commerce and entertainment and more and more of us with little time to think past what we must do every day to pay for this system we bought into.
We didn't get here overnight.
I get up this morning, make coffee, have a shower. I look at my reflection. My costume is faded jeans, a tye-dyed tank shirt under a ratty sweater. No elegant hand-sewn gowns in my closet. So, what's my role? I can be knowledgeable, thanks to being alive in this age of information. I'm fairly intelligent, thanks to my parents and a certain librarian or two. I look at where we've come from and where we are. I gather information from a wide variety of sources and can make at least reasonable guesses at where we might be going. I can surmise that my generation will one day be reviled for its greed and blindness. This seems an ignoble and ineffectual role to play. I'm not a fan. It's not where I want to be. This can't be my part!
We all believe we belong in the service of the queen. Or even, to be the queen.
But alas, my reality is here and now, as is yours. We're smack in the middle of Kornbluth's marching morons. We step in occasionally, drawn in or pushed in, doesn't matter, to march a block or two in that parade of Stupid. Then we remember where it's headed and step aside, palms sweating at the escape.
We humans are bigger inside than out. It's not about whether we live in a world of dragons or fast food. We don't have to be chameleons, taking on the colors of our surroundings. We have the power to discover that which gives our lives meaning and to pursue it. I can call myself the 99% but that's bullshit. It's just not that cut and dried. I'm typing this on a computer. In Palm Springs, I might be a peasant. But globally, I have more than most.
And for now, my role is Artist.
The point is, I have choices. We have choices- those of you reading this do. And we'd better make them sooner than later. We need to decide what matters most to us and head straight for it. My coffee is gone, I'm getting to work on exactly that.
Because, Winter is Coming.
And that, my very dear fellow travellers, is no fantasy.


TerraMystic said...

I love Game of Thrones! So much of this story can be related to what's happening in the world (large and small)today. Will we learn from our errors-did we learn from our own past histories-distant and most recent? The jury is still out on all accounts. I've been having to make major decisions lately too...not easy nor fun, but very necessary...right about now I'd rather be on the wall then at court-hehe...kinda punny :)
Take care and Go Starks!

Kelly said...

"The day after the party"-- what a great analogy! I feel that way, too, on many days. Being a mother and a student and a human. But, alas! There was no party! ;)

I really connect with a lot of things you say when you're writing about yourself and your stuggles. Do we have that much in common? Or is it a basic human thing? I don't really know...

Keep getting things done, including a time here and there to zone out or relax or do what you want (instead of 'have to').

lisa said...

terramystic: I agree with you on GofT. I think that's why it resonates so strongly with so many of us. We've had a long summer and many of us are just beginning the hard process of accepting its end.

lisa said...

kelly- I think we have a lot in common. If you're reading my blog, you found me from some other place we have in common.
No, there's been no party. Just a realization of the mess we've made - on the large scale and for me, in my personal life. This seems the time to assess the damage, take stock and move ahead. Ane you're right Kelly, to take time to appreciate the things we enjoy in between.