Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Day 311














Sigh.



Spencer, Stop commenting here. It serves no one. If you're doing so to embarrass me, you've succeeded. You say the people who'll read this aren't my 'real' friends. I had an exchange with one of them today. She's real to me. She's not words on a page. She has a life and troubles of her own. I haven't met her "in person."



Technology is forcing us to redefine many things, including art, books, friendship and conversation. Eventually, we'll have to redefine what is human. You know this. The last three years have been really difficult. The last one in particular. You know this too. I don't know what I would've done without these friends. If that's not real, I don't know what is.




That said, here we are, in this space with these friends. Let's get to it then, shall we? Here we are, airing it out in their presence. Great. Well, they seem pretty damned real to me at the moment. I'm embarrassed. Yup. I'm just loving this. Spencer, the difference between you and me is that I don't attack your character in front of your family or your friends. Your dark secrets are safe with me. They always were. We didn't make it. It didn't work. It hurt. We have two different versions that don't agree. Instead, let's call it and move on. No one is a victim. You have no claim on me.




Of course, there's this bit:




The things you left here, you dumped in my front yard as I yelled at you to stop. I gave you three weeks to make arrangements to have someone pick them up. I don't know what your circumstances were, but I know you went surfing in Malibu. I held on to the things I thought meant the most to you. They're still available for someone else to get for you, but not for much longer. I'm not responsible for your things. I didn't throw them away, you did. This the sum and total of our unfinished business.






The best we can do is go forward and live the rest of our lives, finding what happiness we can. Either way, it will all go by really, really fast. I like to think that time isn't real and that somewhere we're laughing about being human. You and me and all those other humans we know. I didn't say I quite believe it, but I sure do like to imagine it. Silly humans. In that elsewhere, we understand how tiny all this is.









But we're in this here and now. You dumped your things on my lawn. You refused to remove them. You came to my home and destroyed my property. Then you invaded this space with negative comments. Did I mention WTF?




I'm very much homo sapiens. And all that goes with. You said all you want is closure. Here it is. Stay the hell off my lawn. I won't address you again. You can count on that too. I will, however, defend my space. All of it.




To all of you, tomorrow is another day. G'night




14 comments:

Diandra said...

I am sorry to read this. Don't let anyone drag you down to a level that may be more comfortable for them, because it would mean they don't have to let go, don't have to face anything new.

If you're angry, make art out of it.

Amber said...

Lisa, that major sucks. Consider yourself cyber-hugged, from a not-just-words-on-the-screen friend.

mordicai said...

On the plus side, the illustration for this post is genius.

lisa said...

Diandra: Thanks and, I'm on it.
Amber: I know you're real.
mordicai: (bows) I can always count on you to catch the little things.

Kelly said...

I may not be a friend in the traditional sense of the word, but I care about you and hope the best for you. I think many people who visit this space feel the same way. Traditional or not, there is that.

Anonymous said...

This is terrible. I have a similar story in my past and I have to say your response is more civil and evolved than my own was! Don't let this very ugly person drag you down. Speaking on behalf of all us 'fake' people, the world is on your side and this guy is a lowlife. May he get everything he has given. And may you never hear from him again. Your blog is beautiful and your posts have saved me many a time. I may be a 'fake' anonymous reader but your words and work are beautiful and they matter greatly to me. You have more friends that you could ever know, 'fake' or not. Back to the realms of imagination, I guess.

DavidK said...

No need to feel embarrassed. We've all been there, in one form or another - the parts of our lives that go ka-blooey rarely do so when we'd like, when we can keep them hidden (as if that was necessarily a good thing).

As to friends - yes we've never met, and yes it's likely that there are many things about you that I don't know (and vice versa) but anyone who thinks that only applies to online friends and not to the friends that you see every week is fooling himself. No one else gets to decide the criteria by which you decide who is a friend or not.

Silver lining? I'm imagining that the art coming from your hands over the next year or two will be amazing...

WC: tordsly - A long pole with a small curved blade at the end, used to cut the edges of thatched roofs when pieces of the thatch have slid out from the main body. Famous as the impromptu weapon that killed Lord McMarney, beginning the Scottish uprising of 1655.

Jo said...

Here's a hug from me, too. I'm with Kelly -- just because I've never met you in person doesn't mean I can't give a bit of support.

Your art and words inspire me -- so know: you are valued, you are special.

Bevula said...

Be strong, like we know you are. Be true to yourself, and the rest will fall away. Nothing to be ashamed of, life is to be lived and to learn from.
We electrons love you, and we are legion.

Rubius said...

Hugs and love.

spacedlaw said...

Feeling pretty real too.
Hugs.

Anonymous said...

Focus on the pain the only thing that's real as trent says goooood mornnnnnnnn

Denver b said...

I bet you have more readers it's the all about what will she next the Howard stern theory

Benver D said...

I disagree. I believe that everybody is looking forward to the end of drama. Lookie-loos at a car crash is an old, tired story. These people want a happy ending.