In the Night, While Sleepers Dream
It's not that Ive forgotten you. Oh no, not that at all. In fact I think of you every day, feeling a little guilty for my silence, wondering why it is I 'm not writing at least something--hello--I'm still here---knowing quietly, without saying the words even in my mind, that I've nothing worthy to say. That's one argument, supported well by my troubles with twitter. In theory, the concept of sending out and receiving a constant stream of bits from fellow travelers is interesting and probably has merit. It approaches Borg, or hive mind. Or would/could as long as the bits are honest. It is certainly a way for keeping in touch in the most basic sense---millions of tiny beacons like fireflies, brushings of wings and exchanges of pheromones. We are One. It becomes a droning of drones, at least, from a distance. Comforting? Maybe, but still just human noise. Up close, with a smaller group of followers and following, it's birds on a wire, well, tweeting. I'm still not sure about Facebook. Generally there, I just put up photos. Or a bit of odd news. Sometimes.
But that's not what this blog is for, at least, not for me. I created this space for delving beneath the twittering, intending it to be a place of exploring and discovering, teaching and learning. So tweets and bits have no purpose and silences generally mean I'm either gathering information, processing it, or simply going quietly about my business.
These past weeks, I've been more student than teacher. And really, it seems best for the student to keep her mouth shut. Better that than to blurt out half-formed ideas. Sure enough, this artist stumbles toward the light, but many of the details are ...boring.
Yes, I'm still here, every day. If I weren't, you would find out rather quickly. And yes, we are one, but it's eons yet until we figure that out. In the meantime, you'll struggle with your demons and taxes and I with mine. All whilst the muggles sleep.
I'll tell you what I've lived these weeks (for knowing a thing and living that thing are entirely different animals.) I better understand that true knowledge is revealed in the merest of glimpses. (I believe more than that would blow our tiny, infantile human circuits.) And that, when we do get a glimpse, we do well to pay attention.
Yes, I'm here and working at making art and all that goes with. What I'd really like, most of all, is to hear from you.
15 comments:
I've been doing NaNoWriMo all month, & have fallen off the face of the planet. My best couple friends had a baby, so I hung out with her. I hurt my arm, but it got better.
mordicai: it sounds as though you left the public planet and attended to your inner spaces. Hope the writing has inspired you.
I've been wrestling with the demons attendant on next-phase-of-life business. You know, when the kids have either moved out or no longer need in put every few minutes. "Did I make the right choice? Maybe I should've...I KNEW that was a mistake! Why did I EVER think..."
Some days are good. Some days need a stiff drink. And insomnia is a frequent companion.
I don't have a facebook account, and I don't use twitter. I pretty much don't feel any desire to use most of the social networking avenues. (Hence the Anonymous tag).
Then again, we silly humans are social creatures so I think those things fill a need at the most basic level for many. I wonder if technology is giving the collective unconscious a tangible voice.
It makes me wonder what I need. I wish I had a room of requirement to tell me. I wish I knew what would feed my soul and everyone else as well.
What I know for sure is that I crave beauty - in nature, in art, in everyday life. I usually find it too, but I have to constantly remind myself not to look beyond what is right in front of me.
It isn't always conventional, but sometimes that just makes it all the better.
susan: those are tough demons. pointy too. Three of my children are grown up and, well, let's just say that hindsight is not often kind. I remind myself that they were each well-loved, regardless of my mistakes (some of which were monumental.) They plague me at quiet times. Orion is only eight and despite my love and best intentions, I still screw up. It appears there is no shortage of new bad decisions in a lifetime. All we can do is live our lives, learn and do our best.
A stiff drink is sometimes highly appropriate. And laughing. Lots of laughing. After all, it's only life, which is for living. We humans are mere infants in the big picture. If you're surviving and learning, you're doing your part.
anonymous: It sounds like what you're mostly striving for is to live in the present. It's okay to look beyond what's before you, but not at the expense of the now. That you're aware that there is a collective consciousness expands your vision. And you understand that you will find beauty when you look for it. It's always there, with or without us. I understand your desire for anonymity. Sometimes the social tools can make us feel like crabs in a bucket.
Your 'room of requirement' sparks such vision.
If you can, watch the 'Between the Folds' documentary. It was my first thought after reading your phrase. Thanks for your thoughts, fellow silly human.
I'm animating "The Nutcracker" right now for Christmas. I also hope to get in a birthday poppet animation done before December 19th. The double birthdays are too coincidental not to be animated in some way, lol. Love the Potter reference. Completely beyond obsessed with the world J.K. Rowling has created. I'm in the middle of the third book...for the third time. Good to hear all is well. Love the 3-D painting. I never knew rat skulls could look so mysterious and intriguing.
JWB: I look foward to seeing your new animation. Born on the same day. Indeed! Certainly we receive some of the same signals. Certainly some of those came from poppets. Long ago and far away. In the distant future and very near.
Two WV for you: synonun cascavac
have fun with those.
There does seem to be a chasm between knowing a thing and living a thing. What sometimes surprises this silly human is that the details, the boring, mundane details, are the invisible components of the bridge between the two. Only in retrospect do we begin to see how they carried us over one infinitesimal step at a time. Even the stumbling ones go into the formation. Once we arrive on the other side, we are tempted to deconstruct the entire thing, to break it down into bite size bits. We can't seem to help it. But while we are busy looking backwards we fail to appreciate the new landscape of our life. A landscape where more details will take us over more chasms and into more living of things.
You've been missed here on the blog where more substantial things are shared.
I'm working on a Russian feast themed on a forthcoming novel called Deathless, by Catherynne M. Valente, to be held at my restaurant after the book comes out. I'm all filled up with the story, and filling up with research, and recipes are starting to come pouring out. I think I found the heart of the feast tonight.
I think it was Thelonius Monk who said that writing about music was like dancing about architecture. I don't know about that. I plan on cooking about literature.
I am looking forward to the art.
I have been writing like the mad woman I am (and beyond, really) for NaNoWriMo. Now that I have met the 50,000 I might resurface a little (although the story needs finishing).
In the mean time, I still have fun with Poppets and today, Gaia is starring on Word Of the Day.
Melissa: A very good point, about the details. Boring to anyone but ourselves, but you're right--they're the alphabet of change. From where I sit, change is evolution and we silly humans had just better evolve. You're right. Take enough little steps and you're there.
Please let me know when Deathless is released. I recently finished The Silence of Trees by Valya Dudycz Lupescu, in which traditional Ukrainian meals are stories within themselves. Once you've found the 'heart of the feast' it demands that you cook about it!
The first thought that popped into my head as I read your comment was "Crazy as a Soup Sandwich." Harlan Ellison is never far away.
After your feast, which I'm certain will be brilliant,(photos, please) I'll be ready to hang soups on your walls.
spacedlaw: I saw Gaia there and like what you wrote. She definitely belongs in poppet books. It's good that you're writing. I'm inspired too, by all of the creative people who visit here.
No Twitter for me... immediacy doesn't necessarily entail importance. Blogs, however, allow for larger thoughts which may or may not be important. They also preserve, allowing recall later of things that might not have seemed so important at the time but have subsequently taken on a greater weight. Tweets just seem too short to hold the necessary amount of information for later revelation.
Very busy, unfortunately on the minutiae that absolutely needs to be done but isn't otherwise of interest. Just wanted to pop in to say Happy Thanksgiving!
Post a Comment