tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9604161.post519305532890614677..comments2024-01-07T00:44:10.737-08:00Comments on Lisa Snellings: Day 76Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17033378825749946868noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9604161.post-1413191439696654092011-03-15T19:36:31.793-07:002011-03-15T19:36:31.793-07:00I was always a rebel as a kid, so when I have kids...I was always a rebel as a kid, so when I have kids, all I can think about his karma.Michael Anthonyhttp://www.MassCasualties.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9604161.post-56516282279364817482011-03-14T21:01:11.638-07:002011-03-14T21:01:11.638-07:00It's always hard to balance one's own desi...It's always hard to balance one's own desires for our children with the knowledge that those desires may have no importance or consequence to the child, and the very act of expressing those desires, even unconsciously, may push the child in an opposing direction. With our daughter, I've found it best to be upfront about it - 'this is what I want, and these are the reasons for it'. There are times when it is non-negotiable, and there are times when I can be persuaded. The hardest part is recognizing when it is important to be flexible. The older she gets, the more I have to defer to the flexible side. If I find myself reflexively becoming defensive or saying 'no', then I often need to determine my underlying issues. Often I realize that it's more an issue for me, rather than something that is about her. Is this a 'teaching' moment or a 'learning' moment? Is it something I need to tell her, or something she needs to learn for herself? And, is my teaching the best way for her to learn it? Once again, the older she gets, the more I find I need to back away from the teaching and rely on her ability to learn from her own actions. Recently I've been relying on a variation of the socratic method of teaching, in which I ask questions designed to elicit responses about the issue. I've found that best way to be sure that you know something is to teach it to someone. So, I cede the teacher role to her - by my taking on the role of the questioner, she takes on the role of the teacher, she does the teaching, and hopefully arrives at a better understanding for herself of the issues at hand and how she feels about them, by the act of answering my questions.DavidKnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9604161.post-40774474897946415402011-03-14T11:49:15.168-07:002011-03-14T11:49:15.168-07:00mordicai: I hear you. For sure. Possibly we '...mordicai: I hear you. For sure. Possibly we 'throw the baby out with the bathwater' when we let go of it.lisahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07410230007560550179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9604161.post-68727738971869169612011-03-13T19:36:39.849-07:002011-03-13T19:36:39.849-07:00Oh man; when I was a kid I worried about banality....Oh man; when I was a kid I worried about banality. Then I realized that adulthood meant freedom & love; things children are denied. Eff being a kid-- that was the worst.mordicaihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05713766652793265867noreply@blogger.com